My Trial of Miscarriages

I got married January of 2014. It was a fairy tale wedding everything went amazingly well and I was so happy marrying Jason. We had decided to try and start a family right away and a month later we were pregnant. It was not smooth sailing I started to bleed but the pregnancy tests said everything was fine and the bleeding stopped. After working things out with insurance I finally got into an OBGYN for my first ultrasound at 16 weeks. I remember seeing the gestational sack but there was no baby. I started to cry and couldn't stop until hours later. I had miscarried the baby when I had bled before but the sack had kept growing. Later that night I went into labor and finished the miscarriage.

My second pregnancy was much better. I didn't even find out that I was pregnant until 14 weeks. Still when I found out, I didn't believe the tests. I thought the same thing would happen and there would be no baby. Fortunately, they gave me an ultrasound right there and I was able to see my little Jameson. Everything went great for the next few months until 33 weeks. My blood pressure kept going up until I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and put on bed rest. FYI best rest is really not fun. I was induced three weeks later as the pregnancy was hurting my own health. Jameson was born at 36 weeks weighing 5 lbs 1 oz. Luckily he didn't have to spend any time in the NICU. He is almost 21 months and doing great.

Pregnancy #3 was a surprise. I was on birth control and somehow still got pregnant January of 2016. Five weeks later I miscarried. Pregnancy # 4 started in March of 2016. My due date was actually Christmas Eve which I wasn't thrilled about but I was still excited to be pregnant. I set up the normal appointment and came in to my awesome OBGYN for my first ultrasound. At this point they couldn't find a heartbeat and sent me to an imaging center with more specialized equipment. My baby had no heartbeat and was the size of a six week old baby even though I was ten week along. At this imaging center they also found out that I have a bi-cornate uterus (a uterus shaped like bunny ears). After waiting it was clear that my body would not go into a miscarriage on its own so I had to get a D&C and have the baby surgically removed.

This was my third miscarriage and after three it means that their is a problem. My doctor told me there were many reasons that these miscarriages could be happening but it was hard to find out which one it was in my case. So I started the tests, however, nothing came back conclusive. They haven't been able to find out why I have a hard time keeping a pregnancy. Yet my doctor said he had a few plans for the next time I became pregnant and was optimistic for my future.

This leads us to pregnancy #5. I got pregnant October of 2016. It was very hard to be excited for this pregnancy as my worry was high. I got onto hormones that my doctor thought would help me keep the baby and was hopeful. By six weeks I started to bleed. I had seen this before and new what it had to mean. Something was going wrong. I called my doctor and he sent me right into the imaging center. We found the baby and to my relief there was a heartbeat. From that point all I could do was wait. I did and the bleeding finally stopped. However, the Tuesday before thanksgiving the bleeding started again. I went to the imaging center again and there was no more heartbeat the baby had died just four days after the initial bleeding had started. I then miscarried my fifth baby last Thursday.

The hardest thing about trial of miscarriages is not knowing the why. Why is this happening? Is there anything I could have done differently? What should I do now? These questions will probably go unanswered, yet I still have hope. Deut 8:2 says that the Israelite's were led  for 40 years to be humbled and proven. I feel like I am going through the refiners fire so the Lord can mold me into the person I am meant to be. He is humbling and proving me and in doing so my faith in Him is building and I am becoming a better person. I am not going to say I haven't been angry and hurt. I have had my moment of intense depression and sorrow. Somehow the Lord has been there with me through the whole experience and has felt every feeling with me.

This last miscarriage I have been given the tender mercy of peace and joy. While I am still sad that I was not able to meet this last baby I know that the Plan of Salvation is real and I will have more kids. It just may take a few more pregnancies and maybe a miracle or two.